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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in The X-tremists' LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, March 22nd, 2016
6:05 am
[stellardebris]
Hi, I'm new
Never posted here before and I'm not quite sure what to say. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for the past ten years. In my twenties I was a wild mess, undeniably. Now I'm sort of a depressive mess, for the most part. Except for the times I hear about from my fiance when he tells me how I'm really acting. I guess I just can't see it. Anyway, I'm hoping to meet some other people with similar problems. I don't really know anyone else with bipolar disorder. Group therapy was never my thing, you know? Anyway, I feel like I should mention that I don't just have bipolar disorder, but also extreme social anxiety disorder and moderate OCD. Fun fun, right? Well, ok, that's it. I hope to meet some of you and become friends. Good luck to everyone here. I know we all need it.

Current Mood: anxious
Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
6:39 pm
[opaloctober]
Meds

How long does it take to hit you if you miss your meds?? If i miss one night i feel off, and by the next DAY im suicidal and dangerous. I take a week at a time with me wherever I go because im so afraid something will happen and i can't get them. My meds are my lifeline. What meds do you take? Im on 80mg geodon 2x/day, and lexapro 40mg.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Friday, March 22nd, 2013
11:49 pm
[opaloctober]
Memory...

Does anyone else lose time, or have a warped sense of memory? For instance, sometimes i'll remember doing or saying things that noone else remembers me doing...or sometimes i'll lose an hour or so...sometimes i'll even experience something one day and remember dreaming about that exact same thing the night before...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Monday, July 16th, 2012
4:12 am
[stardustnprison]
Exploring treatment options
Hi my name is Melissa (bipolar, Type 2 rapid cycling). Wow, its been a loooooong time since I posted here. Its been a long time since I felt that I needed moral support from the bipolar community because for the past 11 years, I've been (for the most part) medication compliant and symptom free. Of course there are fleeting dark moods or periods where I feel inspired and don't seem to require much sleep but nothing like the extremes that I used to encounter constantly throughout my teens and early 20's.

Anyway, unlike many other bipolar people, I really embraced the idea of medication from the start. I was never one that really wanted to go on and off meds all of the time. But because I was so medication compliant from the start, I also feel like I never even gave anything else a chance. I have recently gotten off of my meds and its important to me to at least attempt to discover who I am off of medication (because really I feel like I've just been afraid of myself and that it was mostly fear that was driving me to stay on meds) and also I want to explore some natural approaches to managing bp (dietary changes, supplements, exercise, etc). I fully understand the value of medication and its always going to be an option that I know I can return to if I feel like the more "natural" route (for lack of a better term) is not working but I guess I'm in a state of re-evaluation. I just want to approach my life and this illness without fear and learn for myself what treatment methods are the best for me on a personal level.

With that said, To those that have tried both meds and no-meds/holistic forms of treatment: What are your experiences with all of this? Did you feel that meds were ultimately the best route for you or do you respond more to holistic methods? Any advice for the no-meds approach will be appreciated as well.
Wednesday, December 7th, 2011
3:34 pm
[dianedolan]
3:29 pm
[dianedolan]
making do
So its official strait from my psychiatrist I’m bipolar! Add that to the chronic major depressive disorder, unknown intellectual & learning disabilities, fucked up joints, having psychotic episodes (that are not related to the bipolar), anxiety disorder, migraines, mild obsessive compulsive disorder, very mild cerebral palsy, chronic muscle spasms in my back from having cerebral palsy that are unpredictable. having my mother’s side of my family hates me for having all the issues I do & being myself dose not help any. that’s just what I can remember\know about.  Yes it is harder then hell but thanks to the following meds I can live a somewhat normal life.
 
 
Carbamazepine (Tegretol) 900mg a day (three doses of 300mg each)
birth control (Alesse 28)
 
venlafaxine (Effexor xr 37.5mg)
 
 pain killer (naproxen) 1000mg a day (two doses of 500mg each)

*ibuprofen (Motrin Super Strength IB Liquid Gels) 400mg 2 to 4 pills as needed 

 ^acetaminophen (Extra Strength Tylenol"eZ TABS" ) 500 mg 2 to 4 pills as needed


risperidone (Risperdal) 3mg a day (two doses of 1.5mg each)
 
vitamin d 1000mg a day

*has quit working just finshing the bottle ^then swiching to tylenol

but I make do the best I can


Current Mood: stressed
Tuesday, October 4th, 2011
9:36 pm
[alicedear]
I am looking for a disability lawyer around Indianapolis In. Any fellow Hoosiers?
Sunday, September 18th, 2011
10:45 am
[ladeebug920]
New Medication
I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with the drug Saphris. Good or bad.  Doctor and I decided to ween me off Abilify and start this. I have beeen on it since Friday and it seems to be working. Sleeping better, more energy and no lows.(Hope I am not going manic though.)

Current Mood: chipper
Thursday, August 12th, 2010
5:41 pm
[opaloctober]
Pregnancy and meds
...So i'll be 7 weeks pregnant tomorrow. My pdoc and I have decided ademantly that I STAY on my meds. I'm a danger to myself and others when i'm not.
I'm currently on 40MG or Celexa and 80MG of Geodon daily. I've had 1 stillbirth and 2 miscarriages before, and every time I take my meds at night I feel like i'm deforming or killing my baby. Nothing has gone wrong yet, and we hear the heartbeat for the first time on the 19th of Aug, but the warnings about kidney, liver and skeletal damage that can happen to the baby just scares me shitless. Not to mention the chance of spontanious miscarriage.
Has anyone else decided to stay on thier meds after getting pregnant?
Friday, July 9th, 2010
9:49 pm
[opaloctober]
So...
I posted this a couple of weeks ago, and my meds did change slightly...now, i'm on 80MG Geodon and 40MG Celexa...so far, I haven't had any weird side effects, or anything...I was worried about going through withdrawals going off of the Vyvanse, because of the amphetemines and all, but so far all i've had are a few bad dreams, and headaches. We'll see how things go from here...
Saturday, June 12th, 2010
8:23 pm
[opaloctober]
Mental/physical health and TTC (trying to concieve)
Is anyone here TTC? I just want to know i'm not the only one trying to get through issues like mental/physical health while TTC. I'm 24, and we're trying for our 4th pregnancy after a stillbirth and 2 miscarriages.
Sunday, January 10th, 2010
10:25 pm
[opaloctober]
Photobucket
Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
3:57 pm
[leaningonme]
Hello..
Hello, I'm sylvia. I'm Bipolar, I've struggled with eating disorders for over 2 years, I have Anxiety, ADHD, and Insomnia.
So I'm new to this community... And well mostly to livejournal all together, on this account at least...

I take daily
750mg Depakote for my Bipolar (which isn't working for me anymore...)
250mg Seroquel also for Bipolar and for Anxiety/Insomnia (made me gain 20lbs)
32mg Concerta for ADHD
And some other meds, that have nothing to do with any of this.

I've been hospitalized Inpatient 3 times.
All of these were in 2009.
1st time was for a suicide attempt and at that time
my primary diagnosis was Major Depressive Disorder...
(July 23rd-28th)
2nd was while I was in the outpatient day program after being released from Inpatient.
(August 1st-August 8th) Then I was outpatient till the 10th.
3rd was for cutting and suicidal thoughts and just really out of control unstability.
(October 14th-October 22nd)

Um... That's all for now. Byeee.
Thursday, October 29th, 2009
3:16 pm
[dominamia]
new stuff
I started new meds today...

I am going to need some patience. I know the next few weeks are going to be a struggle for myself and those around me.

Yuck.

New meds:

Seroquel XR
Topomax
Wellbutrin SR


Read more...Collapse )
Monday, August 10th, 2009
12:42 pm
[filoviridae]
they are all incompetent (a rant, of sorts)

So the last few weeks I have been getting my meds all blister packed as it seemed silly to have only my zoplicone in blister and the rest in regular bottles and dosettes. Having been told Aug. 4, when I picked up my latest blister pack, that the pharmacy did not have enough Seroquel for the next week's pack, I called Dr. G's office last Thursday (Aug. 6th) to see about getting a refill and to discuss the letter from the MDA doctor (if it had arrived by that time). At that time I was advised that Dr. Goodhue was away that week and would be back in the office Tuesday, August 11th.
 
As this was too late (last meds I have are for today, Monday) I called for an appointment with my GP. The earliest I could get in with her was this morning at 11:10am. Knowing that Dr D-A might want to see the prescription slips, I brought my (all but empty) blister pack with me. She had the pack with my evening dose (800mg Seroquel & 7.5mg zoplicone) on the desk in front of her as she argued with the pharmacist at Shoppers at University Village about the dose and whether or not I was even supposed to be getting things blister packed at all!
 
After much searching and strenuous discussion, D-A convinced the pharmacy to make up a 1 week blister pack in her name. To further matters, it turned out that I was not only lacking enough Seroquel for the next week, but also Effexor (I was only told about the Seroquel when I picked up my last pack, Aug. 4th).
 
At the end of my appointment I received stern instructions to NEVER run out of medications again and to always contact Dr. G for my meds because (as she patted me on the back as I left her office), Dr. D-A advised me that she felt she was not getting the full picture from me. WTF?!?!?!?!
 
Oh yes, and just to add insult to injury, D-Arepeatedly questionned why I was getting my medication in blister packs at all, given that while I was not being directly charged for each medication that goes into the pack "the system" gets charged per medication. I tried to explain to her that the weekly packs had (1) been suggested by Dr. G a while back and (2) helped reduce the temptation for me to try and overdose on my meds - what with my suicidality being what it has been this last while.
 
The long and short of this is I am looking to change GPs and pharmacies. I have a "meet and greet" with a Dr. L at my regular clinic next Monday and, after this week, I will get Dr. G to call my prescriptions into a different pharmacy downtown.
 
I want to cry. I want to scream.

I just want to have work with a team of professionals who actually believe in practicing medicine with their patients, rather than imposing it on them. Why is this so hard accomplish? Why is it that those of us who are among the most unwell and have some of the greatest trouble advocating for ourselves, are the ones who are left feeling like it is somehow our fault for being ill and it is up to us to bend over backwards to accomodate the very people who are supposed to be helping us?
 
I am spent.
 
Why do I even bother trying to talk to these people? I get the impression that they don't really seem to care or give semblance of such. If they can't be bothered doing their jobs, why should I even attempt to "do mine"? After all, it would seem that I don't matter - I'm just another billing code to them.
 
Pardon my language, but fuck this shit.
 
It is a dark day indeed when one doesn't even feel worthy of attempting to off oneself for fear of it becoming yet another one of life's failures.



Current Mood: drained
Monday, July 27th, 2009
3:24 pm
[strawberry_tart]
People often say that raising a child is the most important job in the world. And I would agree with them. But lately I've been feeling dissatisfied. I was talking to WF about it today and wishing I could go back to school (just a couple of classes to start). I'm not up to full-time school and, sadly, I'll probably never be up to full-time work, but sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my brain. I've always been told that with my brains I was capable of great things and it's so disheartening to have a disability that affects my mind. I've heard that there are programs out there for helping people who have been on disability go back to school, but I don't know if I'm ready. When I'm feeling well, I think I can conquer the world, but when I'm feeling poorly, it's the opposite. It's so hard to judge your capabilities when they seem to change from day to day.
Monday, May 11th, 2009
3:50 am
[walk_in_memphis]

hey guys...

i'm new to this community and i'm wondering if someone can start from the beginning and let me know some basic signs of bipolar disorder, and perhaps the difference between it and basic moodiness. i think my boyfriend may have it. i'll elaborate in the comments if necessary...just really looking for some feedback so i can get started helping him/figuring out what's going on. sorry for the weird sounding post, i've been up for waaaay too long.

thank you very much!

Sunday, May 3rd, 2009
4:26 pm
[opaloctober]
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
4:35 pm
[opaloctober]
So I got my "ticket to work" a couple of months ago (actually last year), and I have my 2nd intervew since my disability started tomorrow. The job is parttime office work, but i'm not sure how much I will be getting paid, but I called Soc Sec. today and apparently if I make more than $700.00 a month, it will start to effect my SSI checks,..which I don't want. I'm not sure how much i'd be making at this job, but I really hope it doesn't effect my checks. Anyone else in this type of predicament??
Friday, March 27th, 2009
4:38 pm
[opaloctober]
Ok now it's time for a real blog.

I'm a nervous wreck. I have an interview for a fulltime job on Tuesday and i'm shitting bricks. It's been over a year since I had a real job and i've been on SSI since November. I want to keep my SSI for just that- the security. I'm not sure I have what it takes to hold down a fulltime job. I never have. All of the jobs i've had the longest i've held one down is 3 months. That's a lifetime record for me. I'm thinking of asking my P-Doc (psychiatrist, for all you non-disease having folks out there) for something besides the 120mg of Geodon i've been taking. The 1-2mg of Clonazepam doesn't seem to be working either. My current regimen is
80mg Geodon
70mg Vyvanse
1mg Clonazepam
300mg Trazodone
20mg Omeprazole (for GERD)

I'm thinking my dr has to write for something else to calm me down before I go into my interview Tuesday or i'm going to flip my wig. It'll be worse if I get this job, I already feel as if i'm going to jump out of my skin NOW, what if I get the JOB???!!! I can't do this.
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