So the last few weeks I have been getting my meds all blister packed as it seemed silly to have only my zoplicone in blister and the rest in regular bottles and dosettes. Having been told Aug. 4, when I picked up my latest blister pack, that the pharmacy did not have enough Seroquel for the next week's pack, I called Dr. G's office last Thursday (Aug. 6th) to see about getting a refill and to discuss the letter from the MDA doctor (if it had arrived by that time). At that time I was advised that Dr. Goodhue was away that week and would be back in the office Tuesday, August 11th.
As this was too late (last meds I have are for today, Monday) I called for an appointment with my GP. The earliest I could get in with her was this morning at 11:10am. Knowing that Dr D-A might want to see the prescription slips, I brought my (all but empty) blister pack with me. She had the pack with my evening dose (800mg Seroquel & 7.5mg zoplicone) on the desk in front of her as she argued with the pharmacist at Shoppers at University Village about the dose and whether or not I was even supposed to be getting things blister packed at all!
After much searching and strenuous discussion, D-A convinced the pharmacy to make up a 1 week blister pack in her name. To further matters, it turned out that I was not only lacking enough Seroquel for the next week, but also Effexor (I was only told about the Seroquel when I picked up my last pack, Aug. 4th).
At the end of my appointment I received stern instructions to NEVER run out of medications again and to always contact Dr. G for my meds because (as she patted me on the back as I left her office), Dr. D-A advised me that she felt she was not getting the full picture from me. WTF?!?!?!?!
Oh yes, and just to add insult to injury, D-Arepeatedly questionned why I was getting my medication in blister packs at all, given that while I was not being directly charged for each medication that goes into the pack "the system" gets charged per medication. I tried to explain to her that the weekly packs had (1) been suggested by Dr. G a while back and (2) helped reduce the temptation for me to try and overdose on my meds - what with my suicidality being what it has been this last while.
The long and short of this is I am looking to change GPs and pharmacies. I have a "meet and greet" with a Dr. L at my regular clinic next Monday and, after this week, I will get Dr. G to call my prescriptions into a different pharmacy downtown.
I want to cry. I want to scream.
I just want to have work with a team of professionals who actually believe in practicing medicine with their patients, rather than imposing it on them. Why is this so hard accomplish? Why is it that those of us who are among the most unwell and have some of the greatest trouble advocating for ourselves, are the ones who are left feeling like it is somehow our fault for being ill and it is up to us to bend over backwards to accomodate the very people who are supposed to be helping us?
I am spent.
Why do I even bother trying to talk to these people? I get the impression that they don't really seem to care or give semblance of such. If they can't be bothered doing their jobs, why should I even attempt to "do mine"? After all, it would seem that I don't matter - I'm just another billing code to them.
Pardon my language, but fuck this shit.
It is a dark day indeed when one doesn't even feel worthy of attempting to off oneself for fear of it becoming yet another one of life's failures.